The Key to a Happy Marriage

I am 64 years old and I have been in love with the same man for the past 50 years. We got through those messy years one day at a time and I am so glad we did. We now have the privilege of having what I refer to as old love. We have a history together. A history and familiarity that brings comfort. A comfort that comes from knowing that this person has stood beside you in spite of the messy years; in spite of those times when you know you weren’t the best version of yourself. Comfort in knowing you are truly loved for who you are. The good, the bad and the ugly. 

Old love is the reward for getting through those messy years and I am here to tell you that it is worth it.  Old love isn’t something you should take for granted, it is something you should acknowledge and be thankful for. Something you should cherish. 

So how do you get through the messy years? I have a couple tips that were handed down to me and I believe they can make all the difference in a relationship.

1. Never fight in front of someone else, including the kids, no matter how young or old they are. Being a bystander to a fight is never comfortable. If you commit, as a couple, to wait until you are by yourselves to fight then that puts you on a natural pause. Pauses can often give us a chance to understand that what we were fighting about was not worth it. Or it can at least help us to come to the table and talk reasonably about what is going on so a solution can be found to the problem.
2. Be each other's cheerleader. The world has a way of beating us up. Home needs to be a safe place to get charged up to go back out again. No one should ever dread going home. People become who they are told they are. Not seeing much to compliment your spouse about right now? Keep it simple. There is always something.
3. Find a friend that you can vent with, but to everyone else only point out your spouse's good qualities. It is easy to jump on the bandwagon when everyone else is complaining but bite your tongue. Do not let discontent get a foothold in your marriage. 

My mother told me once that, "If we worked half as hard on the marriage that we have, as we would have to work to find a different spouse, we wouldn’t have to.” 

Everything that is worth having is worth working for. Trust me, old love is worth the work.​